The Pain of Love and Friendship
by Lunarprincessraye
Summary: What happens when a friend of the GBoys feels left out to dry. Will they be able to help her like she helped them? Yaoi, self injury, 1x2, 3x4, 5xZech.
1. Chapter 1

Disclamer: I don't own any of them:( this is for my sheer fun and to work out life little stresses. Enjoy

There is OOCness on all charaters, Yaoi 1x2, 3x4, 5xZechs(for my purposes he is a gundam pilot and not in OZ)

The Pain of Love and Friendship

Chapter 1

A young girl stood on the balcony of a rather large house, she was looking of into the distance at a group of six young men as they sat a table lit by candles. They were surrounded by a beautiful rose garden that was gently lit by candles along the walk and the soft glow of the moon. They seemed to be having a wonderful time talking and having their diner, and if you looked closely or just knew them well enough you could tell that they were couples. At this thought the girl felt a tight pain in her chest for these six boys were her closest and only friends and now that they had found a way to express their love for each other she felt left out in the dark and alone. She had a small feeling in the back of her mind that this would happen, she helped them to see that they were all meant for each other and then they found out and she slowly got squeezed out of the picture. Some of this was here doing she felt that she was always the third wheel (or in this case the seventh) so she backed away and finally they stooped inviting her which she had hoped would never happen but on nights like tonight she was elated for her friends but saddened at the same time.

As if on that note she noticed that one of the boys was looking in her direction it was Quatre he probably felt her presence as well as the other but he was the first to look in her direction. Noticing this she quickly walked back into her room. She stood there in front of the floor length mirror, she stared at a her reflection not liking what she saw. She had long black silky hair with blue and red highlights in it that fell to almost the floor but missed by about an inch, she kept it tied up in a pony tail wrapped half way down in black and dark maroon beads. Dark brown almost black eyes hidden behind dark blue glasses, she had very pale skin, her face was beautiful, she wore a tight fitting shirt of black that showed her every curve and bust line leaving very little to the imagination, followed by a long very flow black skirt and to top off the out fit she wore black bracelets and a small necklace with a Celtic cross that show the only hint of her heritage. In a word she was magnificent but she never saw herself that way she always saw a flaw some were.

From were she stood she looked back out at the group of boys that were know dancing to a small band playing a slow, soft melody. She did not recognized the song and longed to be there with the boys sharing in this wonderful moment but she knew that that could never happen for that would have ruined the mood of the night. After taking one more glance at herself in the mirror she left the room to go and find something else to do besides ponder over what she could be doing in the wonderful night air. She found herself in the rec room watching old movies from when they were all pilots during the war, it was hard to believe that the war had ended almost six years ago.

As she watched the movies she didn't notice that one of the pilots had come in from out side in search of her. It was Quatre he had felt her emotions all the way in the garden she was not masking them well tonight and he wanted to cheer her up by asking her to join them even though he knew she would refuse because she felt like she was a bother. He had felt her for some time know, she had stopped putting up her walls it was almost as if she wanted him to know how she felt. She would put all her time in to her missions with the preventers and volunteer for the most dangerous ones as if to prove something. He feared for her though he would never tell her. Little did she know that they all had something big planed for her this weekend because it was their anniversary that they all met as pilots but also they wanted to do something for her to thank her for showing them the light of their relationships with each other.

Finally he found her in the rec room watching the TV. He almost said something when he noticed what she was watching. It was the tape of them as pilots some home video and some of it the news coverage as he stood there he noticed that she was crying and his heart felt as if it was to be pulled out of his chest and he was going to slowly die of heart break. He stood there rooted in place as emotions ran high in the room he never thought that they had hurt her so much. While caught in though he must have made a small sound because she quickly turned around and saw him standing in the door way looking as if he had been stab in the heart, he was very pale and his eyes were wide and full of hurt emotion and his breathing was rapid. She noticed this and ran to him quickly putting up her walls to stop the flow of pain to her smaller friend.

"Q are you okay you don't look so hot." She said hoping that he didn't get the full brunt of her thoughts. But as she looked at him she knew that he had and now she was going to hear it from the others when they found out.

"I...I am...fine I just had a flash of pain it must have been something I ate coming back to haunt me." He said trying to joke around but she knew better.

"I am sorry I should never have let my walls down this is my fault." The young girl said as she ran out of the room crying knowing that she had hurt her friend and could not take it anymore. As she was on her way to her room tears blurring her vision she ran into a tall solid young man and the force of it made her fall to the ground were she sat in shock hiding her face into the palms of her hands and began to cry harder not caring that every one could see her. At this point Quatre came into the hall and the others looked at him for answers and the look on his face told them all they needed to know. She was devastated that they had pushed her out of their lives without knowing it.

Duo had gone up to the girl and held her in his arms like his lover had done so many time for him and rocked her gently until she was done crying. When she had finally finished crying she had fallen asleep so Duo had picked her up and brought her to her room and laid her on the bed. She had felt lighter that she should have been which worried him but he would bring that up later, right know he just wanted to get her to bed and let this night be over with. After making sure she was safe in her bed he closed the door and made his way to the rec room were the rest of the pilots were sitting in a hushed discussion.

"Q-man what was wrong with Raye I have never seen her like that before she has always been so strong and 'perfect soldier' like trying to show that she was as good if not better then the rest of us and know she is breaking down in the middle of the hall and crying till she passes out. I know you know something I can see it in your eyes." Duo finished as he sat next to his lover Heero.

"All I could get from her was waves of pain and sorrow it was as if her seeing us together was making her unhappy. When I came in to ask her to join us she was watching the movies of us from the war and she was crying, I must have made a noise because she turned around asked me if I was OK and then ran out of the room crying saying it was her fault that I was feeling her emotions. The next thing I saw was her in the middle of the hall crying and then you took her to her room and here we are. The only thing I can think of is that she feels left out and hurt that we have spent more time alone with each other or in a group without her that she feels left out and like the third wheel cause we are always together and that is why she never comes out with us anymore." Quatre said looking at all the pilots worn out and frazzled. He then leaned back in his chair to try and gather what was left of his worn out mind because of the high emotions running ramped through the house.

"We need to let her know that we still want her around. How could she just think that we don't want her anymore she was the reason that all of us are together." Said Zechs as he shifted in his seat next to WuFei.

"You are right we do and we have that planed for tomorrow. The thing is though she need to know that we need our private time too and that we cannot spend every moment with her." Heero said in his cold monotone voice before Duo piped in.

"She knows that but when is the last time we asked her to come with us to the movies or out to dinner as a group of friends and not just lovers, or the last time we all sat and watched a movie and BSed about how work sucks or how the war ravaged world has changed because of us. She has every right to be the way that she is we have left our best friend in the dust for at least a good three month and know she has let us know and all we can think to do is pass it off as she is in a mood and go on. You know as well as every one else in this room that she has left her walls down for a while and we just choose to ignore the pain and hurt that she has let us feel and know look at what that has done our best friend has worn her self in to a massive puddle of emotion and we are left to pick up the pieces. How good are we if we can't help the one person it our lives that has helped us the most." Duo said in an angry voice. But he was more angry at himself for not helping her when they had the closest bond. He looked at Heero who he was sure he was going to get a death glare and he was sleeping on the floor but all he did was pull him into a warm embrace and let him know that he was right and that they needed to do something and fast.

"How do we show her I know we have the party tomorrow but who is to say that she will come we need to do something on a more personal level..." WuFei said but was interrupted by a loud crash coming from upstairs.

"What the hell was that!" Zechs said but Quatre and Heero were already halfway across the room when it hit him that it was Raye.

The sight that greeted them was not a pretty one they came in to the room to find she on the floor curled up in the fetal position crying. When you got in a foots length from her you could smell the metallic smell of blood. Heero grabbed her and sat her up, he checked her wrist and saw nothing then he saw them she had about a dozen slices going up each of her arms all oozing fresh blood. As he cleaned her up he notice about another three dozen more scars all in different stages of healing on her arms. /That explains why she never wear tank tops she didn't want them to see her scars./ After they had cleaned up the mess and bandaged her arms Heero laid her on her bed and covered her up.

"Stupid baka why would you do something like that." WuFei asked in his 'You deserve no Justice' voice he would use in combat before he killed. This did not help how Raye had felt and she began to cry. Trowa gave him that look that said 'shut up know or I kill you later' and he sat at the foot of the bed and said nothing else.

"I just could not deal with the pain of knowing I was not wanted any more so to deal with the mental pain I created the physical pain to over ride it. I thought it would be a one time thing but the feeling of relief that would come over me as I did it was so welcoming and warm that I did it again and again. I am so sorry that I have caused you guys to worry, but that will change soon I am going out to find a new place to live and start a new life so that I will not interfere with your. I do not want to hear another word about it tonight I need to get some sleep so if you would not mind I am going to go to bed know." Raye saidhalf a sleepas she rolled over and closed her eyes.

"I want to stay if you don't mind." Quatre said feeling even more hurt than he did before now knowing that he was causing his best friend to hurt herself to deal with them ignoring her.

"Whatever" came the sleepy reply. With that said the other five boys left the room and Quatre moved over to the sofa on the opposite wall and made himself comfortable for he knew he had a long night ahead to think of a way to help his friend and she drifted into a restless sleep.

TBC...

Please R&R I need all the feed back that I can get! Thanks


	2. Chapter 2

The Pain of Love and Friendship 

Chapter 2

As he sat there watching her sleep he could not help but wonder how long he had just blocked out her feeling of pain and just passed it off as she was upset with work. He noticed that as of late she caught a lot of slack from the other agents because she was a girl and they felt that she belonged behind a desk pushing papers and answering the phone. She has proved them wrong since because now two of them are confined to desk duty until they are done with physical therapy. So he assumed that was what was bothering her but it must have been that and the current situation with the pilots that has her all worked up into this ball of raw emotion an tension. Even as she slipped she was not happy, he could feel the sadness run off her aura like waves crashing on to the beach.

"Tell me how can we help you? My friend, our friend let us in to help you. For you have helped us." Quatre said just as he slipped into a light sleep dreaming of happier days.

Flashback

The seven of them were all staying at the royal palace in the Sank Kingdom. The eve wars had just ended and the pilots were gathering one last time just before they thought they were going to go their separate ways. The were laughing, drinking and fooling around. Raye thought that they should play a game of truth or dare, we were not sure what she had up her sleeve but we decided to play anyway.

"Duo, truth or dare." Raye said with a look of mischief in her eyes as she took another sip of her drink.

"Truth" cam the quick reply from the chestnut haired boy.

"Is it true that you like Heero as more than just s friend?" Raye said as she sat back in her chair knowing full well what the reactions of the two pilots was going to be. Heero held his gun to my head and gave me a death glare to top all death glares, Duo just sat there rooted to his chair turning every shade of red that he possibly could.

"What... what did you just ask me! How could I answer that... I mean we are all just friends." Stammered out the shocked pilot.

"Oh come on Duo I have seen the way you look at him when he is not looking or the way you always try to get his attention. Did you think that no one would notice? So just answer the question 'Do you like Heero as more than just a friend?" She said as Heero pressed the barrel of the gun harder into my head.

"I cant believe this but...but ...YES... I like Heero as more than just a friend." He said bowing his head more so to hide the bright shades of red that he was turning then in shame. Heero released the gun from my head and turned to face Duo. There was something in his cobalt eyes as he lifted Duos head.

"Really Duo you feel something for me?" Heero asked as if he was a little child who was just told he could have the best toy in the store.

"Yes, I have felt something for a long time but I never thought to tell you because I thought that you would have shot me and told me that 'silly emotions would make me week and endanger the mission' so I told no one but I guess at times I was obvious to others. I did not want you to find out this way but I guess this is better than me not telling you at all." Duo said looking the spandex clad teen in the eyes. Just then they shared a small kiss and every one was floored that this happened except Raye. She just sat there drinking her mudslide.

End Flashback

Trowa came into the room the next morning to see Quatre asleep sprawled out on the small couch. What worried him was the look on his face it was a look of someone who was in a lot of pain. Then he looked to the bed to see Raye also asleep, but something seemed off about her she seemed almost like she was at peace. He walked over to her to make sure she was still alive and as he got closer he noticed the slow rise and fall of her chest.

"Good morning" Quatre said slowly sitting up and looking at the clock since is was only 6:15 am. Rubbing his eyes he walked over to Trowa and wrapped his arms around his waste and yawned.

"You need some more sleep little one how about we go back to bed for a little while longer. "Trowa said as he turned to face his young lover.

"Okay but only for a few more hours we have to be up by nine because we have to meet with the girls at eleven." Quatre yawned as the two pilots left the room.

"I don't think a large gathering would be a good idea right know I think what she needs is just us to show her that she is needed here and that she is not alone. I fear that a large party or group might just further her need to get away." Trowa said as they entered their room that they shared and slipped into bed next to his Arabian prince.

"You may be right but maybe the girls could give us an idea of what she might be going through or talk to her and let them help us help her know." He said as he curled up to the warmth of his lover and fell into a deep restless sleep.

Just as the two boys left the room Raye got up out of bed and went into the bathroom that was connected to her room. Once she was in there she took the bandages off her arms that Heero had placed there the night before after he cleaned her wounds. She stood in the mirror looking at the fresh wounds and scars that marked her arms wondering why, why had she lived this long in so much pain. She felt that she should end it now but there was always that part of her that said 'they need you and you need them just talk to them let them know how you feel'. So she just stood there holding a blade playing with it in her hand wondering what she should do next.

TBC...


End file.
